Projecting a Great "Paper" Image — NOT
By Jane Watson

Are you tired of being praised for writing clear, concise, well-organized documents? Are you bored with projecting the image of a dynamic and knowledgeable professional? If so, here are ten tips to ensure your boss never speaks highly of your ability to communicate clearly.

1. Think of some famous writers of classic books, such as Oscar Wilde, George Bernard Shaw or Mark Twain. Adopt their formal method of writing. After all, if people enjoyed the style in the late 1800s, they will surely love it today. And surely good creative writing makes for effective business writing.

2. Use really impressive words your readers will have to look up in a dictionary. This step will force them to become more knowledgeable, and they will be grateful.

3. When your boss gives you a writing assignment, think back to school when the teacher asked you to write essays with a specific word count. Remember the great mark you got for handing in 1,000 words. Don’t worry about "quality;" give your boss "quantity." He’ll be impressed with the time you spent on the project. He won’t mind that other work didn’t get done.

4. Write lengthy sentences. People are in too much of a hurry nowadays. If you write long, convoluted sentences, your writers will have to slow down and spend time trying to interpret your thoughts. They’ll praise you for reducing their stress levels.

5. Long paragraphs are good — the longer, the better. White space will just bother readers’ eyes and detract from all the words.

6. Don’t waste paper. Squeeze as much print onto the page as you can and reduce the margins. Think of all the money you will save by not using a second page.

7. Choose a small type font. Older people enjoy "playing the trombone" when they read. It’s great exercise, and they might even gloss over some of the points you would prefer they not pay too much attention to.

8. Write about what you know, find interesting, or have a lot of facts on. Who knows? The reader may find some of the information interesting and relevant too.

9. Good customer service is something for face-to-face meetings or the phone. Don’t worry about it when writing letters. The customer will know you aren’t really that unfriendly or patronizing.

10. Don’t bother proofreading your documents – just run a spell check. If the spell checker allows the wrong words to be used, it’s not your fault. Just tell your boss you were checking to see if he really reads your correspondence.

Follow these guidelines and I guarantee your manager will never again ask you to prepare any documents. Neither will the boss at your next company.

©2006, Jane Watson is dedicated to advancing business communications.
She is a consultant, author, keynoter and trainer and can be reached at jane@jwatsonassociates.com or (905) 820-9909.